The Memories
We had a lazy Sunday, and it was great! Rory works way too hard and we always have remodel/repair projects going on at home when he isn’t. Today we just took his beautiful 1973 Corvette Stingray to a local Corvette car show. Sun was shining, Elvis impersonator was singing—I even rocked it out with a little dancing! We had lunch at the venue and took time to just be together.
Later in the day, we were walking the dog and chatting about how much life we have spent together and how much has changed over the years. At the car show, there was a vintage restored VW van that almost made me cry. Back in 1981, when we only had two little angels, we bought an old, beat up VW camper van and “restored” it. We then took it camping and it broke down on the way home—we had a 2-year-old and a 3-year-old—ah, those were the good old days!
So here we are 40 years of marriage and adventures behind us. I’m not going to spin it like it was all rainbows and unicorns, because it surely wasn’t. Marriage (and life) is hard work and not for the faint of heart. We look back at our young days and wonder “what were we thinking?” about so many of our adventures. Like the time we packed up our 4-month-old, my newly pregnant body, our dog and everything we owned into a Ryder truck and moved to another state, just because Rory had been accepted into college there. We had no place to live, no job, nothing—maybe $1,000 to our name…….
The Journey
But we had each other, stubbornness on both our parts, lots of energy and a vision of the life we wanted. So, we made it. And then some. It’s been quite a journey.
Our lives for the next 20 years were full. We worked, we planned, we cleaned, we raised 4 children, we had fun, we had hard times and good times. We lived life with a purpose every day. My most important job was raising and taking care of my children—nurturing and loving and guiding them. Rory’s job was providing for us, guiding our children and leading our family. Did we excel at these jobs? Heck no, not even close and looking back, there are many things we wish we had done differently. But we always tried hard to be the best at what we did. Our legacy in this world is our family. Having that purpose each day filled our lives.
Where is all of this going, you might ask? Well, a lot of our discussion lately has centered around what our purpose is now. What does a mom do when her children are all grown up and don’t need her anymore? When a dad’s advice is accepted, but ignored? When you feel irrelevant in the lives the very beings who were the stars in your universe for so long? (Did I do a good enough job of making my children feel guilty—I am Catholic, after all?).
The Case for Purpose
Seriously, we struggle with the need for purpose. Experts will tell you that a purpose is vital to the mental health and even the physical health of every human being. No one wants to feel useless. We all need something to get up for.
Since we are still working, there is some sense of purpose—particularly for me, because of what I do for a living. Rory spends way too much time working, saving for our retirement. He needs to feel needed for more than being a “workhorse” as he calls it.
Besides, waiting to have more days like yesterday for our retirement is a recipe for disaster. My father always, always talked about having a little fishing tackle/bait shop when he retired so that he could enjoy one of his favorite past times. Then at the age of 58 his heart stopped one night, and he spent the next 10 years of his life in a nursing home. So much for fishing.
The point is, for those of us baby boomers who are retiring or thinking about it—don’t wait to have purpose. Don’t wait to enjoy life. This is our time to enjoy our lives together again. Rory and I will be doing more lovely Sundays like yesterday, finding fulfilling hobbies and volunteer work, and planning more vacations between now and when we really retire!
Feeling purposeful in my amazing grace-filled life!